


blood starved

by thisisgermy



Series: huuh whaaaaat [1]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware, Self Aware AI
Genre: Blood, Dialog heavy, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lazy story, Limb loss, Major Character Injury, Mention of blood, Panic Attacks, Spoilers, a continuation of the end of act three part three, can be seen as shipping, still dont know how to tag, stutters, swears, the black mesa tender voice(tm)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:02:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24067036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisgermy/pseuds/thisisgermy
Summary: gordon's at the end of his rope.
Relationships: Gordon Freeman And Benrey
Series: huuh whaaaaat [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1739653
Comments: 20
Kudos: 276





	blood starved

**Author's Note:**

> started: 7/5/2020  
> yo whats up. i was dead for a full year? cool  
> ive been a bit more active on the dont starve ao3 but other than that yeah no ive been dead. wee.  
> lots of italics and swearing in this. the usual. this has also probably been done.  
> 

'what happened to your arm?'

he was tired. so dreadfully, dreadfully tired. and the searing, red-hot pain wasn't really improving his mood none, either.

'benrey. i just want you to know. that if i had both hands? i would wrap them, _oh so_ tightly, around your _neck_ , and i would _squeeze_ _the life_ out of you. and i would _laugh_ , as you dropped to the floor, _dead_.' he pointed his messy, haggard, blood crusted stump at benrey to further punctuate his threat. his expression was down-cast and dark, easily showing his scalding hatred, and his every word dripped with promise and venom, yet benrey stared right back, unfazed by gordon's rancid vibe. 'but y'know what? i can't. i _can't_! i can't do that properly, because you can't even fucking _die_ , not to mention you and bubby cut my fucking god damn _hand_ _off_.'

'does it hurt?' benrey asked instead of actually replying. 'looks real fucked up, bro. like-like it could get infected or some shit.' gordon's entire face twitched, a telltale sign that the rope holding his mental sanity afloat had officially snapped clean in half.

'we are stuck, in the middle of the most radioactive wasteland known to man, **_bro_** ; i-i think i'm _past_ the regulations of a fucking. a-a healthy body. ... my-my bloodstream is probably 50% raw sewage at this point, and the other 50 is god knows whatever the fuck else they put in the water here- man, just, go fuck yourself, just-just go to fucking sleep and leave me alone, alright? what the fuck is your problem, man?' with that, gordon turned his back on benrey and stumbled his way to the corner of the room, away from the still sleeping science team. 'don't you ever get tired of-of this? of constantly being an asshole?'

'wuh?' gordon ignored him with a huff and slumped to the floor with a heavy thud, something he instantly regretted once pain shot down his shoulder and into the very bone of his stump. every nerve in his body screamed in agony, an ache he had never felt in his entire life biting into his skin and at his very core, and there was very little he could do to stop it. his eyes filled with tears as the stump flared in time with the beat of his heart, each one hitting worse than the last, until his entire body was encompassed with it. he clutched the stump with what strength he had left in the hopes it would help, curling in on himself, making god-awful noises as he tried to ride out each wave without completely crumpling like a soda can. 

'does it hurt? ... looks like it hurts pretty bad.' benrey asked again, snapping gordon from his bubble. when gordon's vision swam back into focus (how long had he blacked out for?), he spotted benrey sat to his right, watching him intently. benrey pointed at him, expression forever remaining dead-pan. 'your arm. looks like it hurts, bro. and you're. you're crying.'

' _ **fuck** _you - go fu-fuck yourself in h-hell, benrey, you fucking-' he cut himself off with a hiss and a drawn out groan as another wave relentlessly punched him. he was sweating, he was caked in alien and human blood, his heart was close to beating out of his chest, his blood was on fire, his bones creaked in protest, he felt 70 years old rather than 30 - he really, _really_ , **_really_ **was _not_ in the mood for one of benrey's twisted attempts of humour. 'j-just fuck off an-and leave me alone, t-to my own suffering, that _you_ helped cause, _please_ -'

'i can help.'

' _how_??? how can _you_ help me???' gordon finally glared at benrey in the eye. he looked more like a cornered rabid animal than a man, but benrey barely batted an eye. 'are you gonna give me my fucking hand back??? are you gonna replace my blood for clean blood??? are you gonna g-get me out of this fucking hell hole and let me g-go home??? how the _fuck_ can you help me???' ah, that was cool. a panic attack was in bound. just what gordon needed. the air escaped him as he fell deeper and deeper into his insanity, his entire world closing in. 'you-you're sick, y-you know that? you-yo-you're fucked in the head, you just- you think this is some kind of funny game don't you-you-you hate me be-because of some _fucking_ passport-you-you-' 

the world tunnelled and darkened into a hazy void. sounds muffled into white noise and all of his senses just stopped working. he kept talking; he knew he was talking, but he couldn't feel himself talking or hear himself talking. he knew he was freaking out, but he couldn't feel it, couldn't gain control over it. his breathing grew bubbly and fucked up, and he openly sobbed. everything burned, and it hurt, and he wanted it to stop; he just wanted to go to sleep, he just wanted it all to end, he just wanted to go home-

gordon didn't see benrey reach out. he didn't feel a hand gently detach his clutch from his stump, nor did he feel those same two hands lightly close around his injury and tug it away from his chest. he didn't even hear the Black Mesa Sweet Voice(tm) be sung right by his side - not until the pain began to dull and his head stopped howling and his stump actually felt manageable again. his vision, for the second time in five minutes, slowly clapped back into focus, along with all his other senses that had decided to up and die for however long. it was an unpleasant experience.

he blinked the remaining tears away. saw benrey holding his stump close to his chest with extreme care, a stream of blue and purple and yellow and white and black balls coming out of his mouth and cocooning around gordon's stump, all before disappearing into thin air. or were they going into his blood stream? what even was the Black Mesa Sweet Voice(tm)? why was it working? did he actually fucking die for a few minutes just then? and more importantly, why the fuck was he _letting_ benrey do that? he inhaled a stutter-y breath, somehow finding it easier to breathe, though benrey didn't spare him a glance, instead keeping his attention locked on his stump. what an odd occurrence - benrey actually paying attention to something. what a fucking sight to behold.

'wh-what the fuck are you doing?' he was tired. so dreadfully, dreadfully tired. but this time, there was no red-hot pain stabbing at his soul. this time, he just felt agonisingly empty. benrey stopped singing, but kept his eyes focused on the stump in his hands rather than look at the man it belonged to.

'... helping a bro out, bro.' and he said it so easily. like they'd been friends for years. like he hadn't made his life a misery in so few days. like he hadn't helped in a conspiracy to lob his arm off over an expired passport. 'is it working?'

'... w-what- i- you- i- ... yeah it's working but- ... w-wait-'

'epic.' and then he resumed singing, this time with some reds and pinks thrown in. the more gordon's stump was covered, the more the exhaustion within him crept up, the pain subsiding into a mute nothing. it was insanitary. it wasn't normal. it freaked him the fuck out. what the fuck had his life become.

and what the fuck ever, right? he was so tired; if benrey ended up shooting him in the head or rolling him down a set of stairs, then so the fuck be it. for once, since his arm had been chopped off, he was feeling things other than excruciating torment, and he'd be a fucking fool not to accept a free pass of real sleep since the whole shit show started. even if he ended up dead because of it - because of something other than blood loss, ie: benrey. or any other members of the science team, really, because they were all bat shit, too. except tommy. tommy was a good egg.

so with that in his foggy mind, gordon mumbled something along the lines of 'fuck you thanks i hate fuck hurgg', closed his eyes, leaned all the way into benrey's personal space until he was being used like a pillow, and then tanked out like a flipped light switch. benrey took it in stride - he placed gordon's stump down into his lap, then wrapped his arm around the unconscious scientist, his other hand carefully resting on top of gordon's still fucked up stump. he made himself as comfy as possible against the wall, trying real hard not to jostle gordon around too much. the weight against him felt nice, even if their uniforms were sharp and uncomfortable. it felt real. _he_ felt real.

the world around them grew dark as gordon's dreams came easily, but that was okay. this time, benrey felt calm about it, for the first time since he'd woken up in black mesa. this time, in some rare twist, he accepted the darkness.

he wondered how long that acceptance would last.

**Author's Note:**

> i cant proof read as well anymore cause i got an old as fuck phone that ao3 doesnt support and i cant read shit on a monitor (which is stressing me out a lot more than id like to admit) and i got severe social anxiety to ask anyone so pog champ  
> hope yall are staying safe and sane in these fucked up times.  
> tumblr - thisisgermy  
> dont starve ao3 - thisisthenoid  
> thank for reading sorry the notes were this long hgsdfghvdsf


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